A lot has changed in the past year. We're finally out of Virginia and back in Texas near family again. Virginia was nice, but it was never "home"...
We've been busy unpacking our stuff and trying to make our rental house feel like a home. My in-laws have been kind enough to let us crash at their place while the dust settles. But as I sit reading Facebook, surrounded by my heathen children screaming all around me, I'm struck by an emotion I did not expect - ENVY.
Don't get me wrong - I feel very blessed by all that the Lord has done for me. But sometimes, I read the blogs and status updates or look at pictures of other young moms and I get angry and jealous. I feel like these women have it all together. Half of them don't even look like they've ever even been pregnant, even in a bikini. They do everything right - they're ecologically conscious and use cloth diapers, they nurse for at least a year, they homeschool, what-have-you. And here I am - a hot freaking mess who can't even find the energy to shower everyday. My hair is always up in a bun, I wear t-shirts and ratty old jeans, and I have to freaking tuck my saggy belly into my pants every morning. It's disgusting. Nursing made me want to beat my head against the wall, something I still feel guilty about, and cloth diapers?? Yeah - that experiment lasted all of a day. I can't stand the thought of trying to teach my children anything for longer than 5 minutes because I know I'd end up bald from ripping my hair out in frustration. And NOW, I'm in the land of store-bought beauty, where women go to pick up their kids at school in skirts and heels - and not business skirts and heels, like "I just left work to come get you," but casual "Oh, I look this put together all the time! Why don't you??" Ugh. I could go on and on with this pity party.
But really, how dumb is it to feel angry with other people because God has blessed them?? That's actually the most absurd thing I've ever heard. But I want what they have, I want to be "perfect" like them and that's where the sin lies. They're not perfect, that's just my perception of things. If I were privy to their everyday lives, I'd see that they're probably just as big of a hot mess as I am (they're just better actresses than me :P) God created me to be me - not every other woman on the block. I don't have to be like everyone else, I just have to do the job that God has called me to - as imperfectly as that may be.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Playing the Fool
Wow - I can't believe it's been a year and a half since I wrote last. What does that say about my life?? Or what does it say about me - maybe I'm just lazy. Either way, I'm not good at the blogging thing, so I'll probably just be adding as something comes up. Frankly, I put most of my interesting stuff on Facebook, so...yeah.
I went to work out this morning and walked by my neighbor's car. I walk/drive by this car all the time, and always spend some time looking over their bumper stickers. I've seen them all and I know what they say...things like "Protect our children - kill a Pedophile" and "Coexist" written in all the different religious symbols. Then there's this gem: "Don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church". Wow. Again, I've read it before, but this morning, it really irked me.
Is this person implying that because I profess faith in Jesus Christ, I am somehow unintelligent and unthinking? Really?? Because I'm pretty sure you can't graduate Summa Cum Laude from college without thinking about stuff, or without being somewhat intelligent. Just sayin'. And then there's my husband. The guy has a Ph.D. in Theoretical Chemistry, for crying out loud! He's brilliant! About this point, my feathers were really getting ruffled, and then the Holy Spirit gently whispered in my ear and reminded me...it's not about me. Oh. Right. I forgot. I do that from time to time. Sorry!
But it didn't get whispered like "It's not about you"...it got whispered via a bible verse.
I pride myself on being intelligent. I highly value intelligence in people, probably more than most other traits, and have a hard time putting up with people who I deem to be on the lower end of the IQ range. I'm not proud of it and I fight against it every time I realize what I'm doing, but it's always there. Pride - one of the many thorns in my flesh that I struggle with daily.
A few weeks ago, I was blessed to sit through some teaching by my wonderfully gifted friend, Marian. She asked a question that I had never heard before in my entire life as a Christian. "Are you willing to be a fool for Christ?" I say I'm willing to walk through all kinds of trials, but at soon as someone questions my intelligence, I'm up in arms. "How dare you question my IQ based on my beliefs?!" And yet, it's what we've been promised. The Holy Spirit reminded me of that this morning:
"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
'I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.'
Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.
Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 1:18-31
Am I willing to play the fool for Christ? Are you?
I went to work out this morning and walked by my neighbor's car. I walk/drive by this car all the time, and always spend some time looking over their bumper stickers. I've seen them all and I know what they say...things like "Protect our children - kill a Pedophile" and "Coexist" written in all the different religious symbols. Then there's this gem: "Don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church". Wow. Again, I've read it before, but this morning, it really irked me.
Is this person implying that because I profess faith in Jesus Christ, I am somehow unintelligent and unthinking? Really?? Because I'm pretty sure you can't graduate Summa Cum Laude from college without thinking about stuff, or without being somewhat intelligent. Just sayin'. And then there's my husband. The guy has a Ph.D. in Theoretical Chemistry, for crying out loud! He's brilliant! About this point, my feathers were really getting ruffled, and then the Holy Spirit gently whispered in my ear and reminded me...it's not about me. Oh. Right. I forgot. I do that from time to time. Sorry!
But it didn't get whispered like "It's not about you"...it got whispered via a bible verse.
I pride myself on being intelligent. I highly value intelligence in people, probably more than most other traits, and have a hard time putting up with people who I deem to be on the lower end of the IQ range. I'm not proud of it and I fight against it every time I realize what I'm doing, but it's always there. Pride - one of the many thorns in my flesh that I struggle with daily.
A few weeks ago, I was blessed to sit through some teaching by my wonderfully gifted friend, Marian. She asked a question that I had never heard before in my entire life as a Christian. "Are you willing to be a fool for Christ?" I say I'm willing to walk through all kinds of trials, but at soon as someone questions my intelligence, I'm up in arms. "How dare you question my IQ based on my beliefs?!" And yet, it's what we've been promised. The Holy Spirit reminded me of that this morning:
"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
'I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.'
Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.
Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 1:18-31
Am I willing to play the fool for Christ? Are you?
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