It is SO easy sometimes to fall into the ridiculousness of vanity. Vanity is not just focusing on "Hey, I look good." Vanity is also "Dang, I look like crap" and then obsessing over it. After giving birth to three children in less than 4 years, there was just about no chance that I was going to emerge with no scars (I'm not Heidi Klum, after all). One c-section scar and innumerable stretch marks later, I look at my stomach and wonder what happened to my cute, flat belly. I know I will never see it again without some sort of surgical intervention, which hardly seems worth it. But before I allow myself to get too depressed about how I look, I remind myself of 2 things:
1.) For every stretch mark, new wrinkle, and gray hair, there are a thousand baby giggles and toothless grins. Each stretch mark is a reminder that I have grown and brought three new lives into the world, three lives that I wouldn't trade for anything.
2.) When we stand before the throne of Christ on that last day, it's not going to matter how many zits we had, or how flabby our belly was, or whether we fit into our pre-pregnancy jeans ever again. No, we won't even be thinking about that. We'll be too focused on how wretched we are standing before a perfect and glorious and all-powerful King. The only thing that will matter is whether or not we're covered by the blood of Jesus and can therefore say "I am not worthy of Heaven but by His grace and mercy in having chosen me to be His child."
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Mentally Challenged
So, I'm pretty sure that all the people at Em's preschool think I'm completely inept. Ever since I had Drew, getting out of the house and doing ANYTHING is a challenge. Em's preschool likes to do special little events for the kids, especially now since it's the end of the year. These events have not gone particularly well for me:
Last Friday, they had a "summer birthdays" party at the park. This particular park has what they call a "Spray Ground"...it looks like a big mushroom and pours water everywhere. For some reason, in my brain, I thought it was more like a little sprinkler, so I thought "Oh, we don't need to bring anything!" WRONG! Em and Charlie were the only kids without bathing suits, towels, or sunscreen. Awesome.
While there, Em managed to walk off looking for me and I went looking for her all panicked, and the preschool teacher and other parents were helping me look for her. Cool - I'm the mom who lost her kid at a school function. (Things were made more difficult by the fact that the front wheel of the double stroller was locked, which I didn't know, so I thought it was broken and didn't use it, thereby making containing Charlie that much more difficult.)
Fast forward to today. There was an ice cream party for a few of the classes. Em doesn't normally have school on Mondays, so I went there specifically for this party. We got there, and it wasn't where it was supposed to be because of the rain, so I went to the front office to find out where it was. They told me it was downstairs...with the only ramp being all the way around the building. (Having to push a double stroller has made me much more aware of handicap access and its general lack in public facilities...) Anyway, we walk around the building, get to the set of doors and they're locked. There is no one there to open the doors, and frankly, I had no idea what to do. So, I left all three kids right outside the door and beat cheeks up the stairs, down the hallway, down the stairs, and down another hallway, just to get back to the door and have a couple of preschool teachers giving me nasty looks for abandoning my children. When I tried to explain that the doors were locked, they looked at me and said "Oh yeah, we don't unlock them until 11:30"...which is super awesome because the ice cream party started at 11:15.
Inside, the room was CRAMMED full of people, so the stroller naturally didn't fit in the room. I had to get Drew and Charlie out, and then try and get them maneuvered over to a table in the back. Charlie managed to run away while I was focused on Drew and one of the other moms caught her and brought her back (which is fortunate, or else I would have been the mom that lost 2 of her kids at a school function!). Em's teacher got her settled, which I really appreciated, and the mom who brought Charlie back was really helpful, but still...I felt like a moron.
So, to recap - pretty much everyone at Em's preschool thinks I'm a complete moron (which I'm starting to believe, too)...and I'm just a little bit discouraged about it. Sometimes, I don't know why I even bother. But I don't want Em to miss out on all the fun stuff just because it'd be easier for me.
Last Friday, they had a "summer birthdays" party at the park. This particular park has what they call a "Spray Ground"...it looks like a big mushroom and pours water everywhere. For some reason, in my brain, I thought it was more like a little sprinkler, so I thought "Oh, we don't need to bring anything!" WRONG! Em and Charlie were the only kids without bathing suits, towels, or sunscreen. Awesome.
While there, Em managed to walk off looking for me and I went looking for her all panicked, and the preschool teacher and other parents were helping me look for her. Cool - I'm the mom who lost her kid at a school function. (Things were made more difficult by the fact that the front wheel of the double stroller was locked, which I didn't know, so I thought it was broken and didn't use it, thereby making containing Charlie that much more difficult.)
Fast forward to today. There was an ice cream party for a few of the classes. Em doesn't normally have school on Mondays, so I went there specifically for this party. We got there, and it wasn't where it was supposed to be because of the rain, so I went to the front office to find out where it was. They told me it was downstairs...with the only ramp being all the way around the building. (Having to push a double stroller has made me much more aware of handicap access and its general lack in public facilities...) Anyway, we walk around the building, get to the set of doors and they're locked. There is no one there to open the doors, and frankly, I had no idea what to do. So, I left all three kids right outside the door and beat cheeks up the stairs, down the hallway, down the stairs, and down another hallway, just to get back to the door and have a couple of preschool teachers giving me nasty looks for abandoning my children. When I tried to explain that the doors were locked, they looked at me and said "Oh yeah, we don't unlock them until 11:30"...which is super awesome because the ice cream party started at 11:15.
Inside, the room was CRAMMED full of people, so the stroller naturally didn't fit in the room. I had to get Drew and Charlie out, and then try and get them maneuvered over to a table in the back. Charlie managed to run away while I was focused on Drew and one of the other moms caught her and brought her back (which is fortunate, or else I would have been the mom that lost 2 of her kids at a school function!). Em's teacher got her settled, which I really appreciated, and the mom who brought Charlie back was really helpful, but still...I felt like a moron.
So, to recap - pretty much everyone at Em's preschool thinks I'm a complete moron (which I'm starting to believe, too)...and I'm just a little bit discouraged about it. Sometimes, I don't know why I even bother. But I don't want Em to miss out on all the fun stuff just because it'd be easier for me.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Charlotte's antics
Just thought I'd share how NOT cool it is when Charlotte decides to use my newly increased stomach rolls as a ladder to the counter behind my chair when she's sitting on my lap. Yeah, love it.
On a happier note, she has learned how to tickle, and loves to go up to Drew and say "icka, icka, icka!" She also is learning how to say more things...we think. The other morning, she said "I want banana", and she asks "What's that?" all the time. She'll bring a book to you saying "Bah" and wants you to read it to her. I truly can't believe how big she's getting and how much she changes from week to week.
On a happier note, she has learned how to tickle, and loves to go up to Drew and say "icka, icka, icka!" She also is learning how to say more things...we think. The other morning, she said "I want banana", and she asks "What's that?" all the time. She'll bring a book to you saying "Bah" and wants you to read it to her. I truly can't believe how big she's getting and how much she changes from week to week.
Wild Card
Well, the last few weeks have been...horrific, to be honest. Between giving birth, trying to adjust to having three kids, and getting the stomach flu, I have not been having a whole lot of fun. But even in the midst of it, I have to admit that God is good. I had a safe and healthy delivery, and I have three safe and healthy children. Yes, Em, Charlie, and I got the stomach flu, but PRAISE GOD that Brian and Drew did not! I was so terrified that my 3 week old son would get sick and have to be admitted to the hospital. Fortunately, my sisters were in town the day after everyone got really ill and were able to help, in more ways than one. My eldest sister, Beth, is a nurse, so that gave me comfort knowing that if anything did happen, she was there. In addition to being a nurse, her son got RSV when he was 4 weeks old and was hospitalized for 8 days. I knew that even if Drew did get sick, she could talk me through it. Again, I am so thankful that we didn't have to deal with any of that!
Now, you're probably wondering why I've titled this "wildcard"...I'll tell you. The longer I am alone with my three children during the day, I realize that at any given time, I have to assess which one of them is going to be my wildcard. At pretty much every moment, two of my children cooperate, while one could go either way. For example, in the afternoon, both my girls usually sleep for a couple of hours. Drew could either sleep or be fussy - therefore, he is my wildcard. Of course, there are those times when all three decide that they need me at once and cannot possibly wait for anything. Those times are NOT cool. But I'm learning that I can survive them when they come and just keep telling myself "This too shall pass". I'm even getting to the point where I can get through them without crying :P So in conclusion, I'll leave you with my sister's words :"God ABSOLUTELY gives us more than we can handle...otherwise, we wouldn't need Him."
Now, you're probably wondering why I've titled this "wildcard"...I'll tell you. The longer I am alone with my three children during the day, I realize that at any given time, I have to assess which one of them is going to be my wildcard. At pretty much every moment, two of my children cooperate, while one could go either way. For example, in the afternoon, both my girls usually sleep for a couple of hours. Drew could either sleep or be fussy - therefore, he is my wildcard. Of course, there are those times when all three decide that they need me at once and cannot possibly wait for anything. Those times are NOT cool. But I'm learning that I can survive them when they come and just keep telling myself "This too shall pass". I'm even getting to the point where I can get through them without crying :P So in conclusion, I'll leave you with my sister's words :"God ABSOLUTELY gives us more than we can handle...otherwise, we wouldn't need Him."
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
No more breastfeeding
Well, I did it. I stopped breastfeeding and switched exclusively to formula. I know, it's only been 1 1/2 weeks, but after much emotional turmoil, I decided it was the best for my WHOLE family. With Drew being such a lazy eater, I was with him all the time and just couldn't give Emma and Charlotte the attention they needed from me. I spoke with my sister, who is a nurse and mother of 2, and she told me that I was under enough stress. Formula is wonderful these days and it's more important for me to be a good mommy to ALL of my children than to beat myself over the head trying to breastfeed one of them. I still struggle with my decision, but ultimately, I know that it's best. He actually seems to be doing better on formula - he's less gassy and seems to be more content than he was before. It's so tough! There's so much emotion attached to this decision because it's about the welfare of your child and it's permanent. Every mother wants to give her best to her children and everyone tells you "breastmilk is best"...but what good is breastmilk if you're constantly grouchy and screaming at everyone because your hormones are all over the place and you're excessively sleep deprived? I have to think about the welfare of all my children and I feel like this is the best way to do that.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Our crap-hole apartment
I really want to use a word other than crap, but I'll be good. It's raining, which means our window is leaking...again. The same window that supposedly FINALLY got fixed last time it rained cats and dogs. I can't even begin to enumerate all the things that are wrong with this apartment and how much I would love to move out of it, but it's just not an option right now. Brian is only planning on having this job for another year, so we'd be moving then anyway, who knows where to. I REALLY want to go back to Texas. I know it's probably because of the hormones, but I've been crying every other night because I miss it so much. I think of all the things we'd have that we don't have here and it just frustrates me. Right now, we are a family of five trying to survive on $40k/year in a super expensive part of the country. We're doing fine, but we have to go without things like tv, etc., because we just can't afford it right now. We can't even really go on dates because 1.) babysitting is expensive and 2.) we can't afford to do anything fun anyway...Wendy's gets a little old after a while. If we lived in Texas, assuming Brian gets a job that pays comparably or better, we could afford to go on dates (things are MUCH cheaper there...nighttime movie rates are cheaper there than matinee prices are here, for one). We'd also have both sets of parents nearby, which would be great not only for us, but for them, too...I know the grandparents miss our kids terribly and it breaks my heart that we've had to force them apart. Who knows, maybe we could even get a house. If not, we could definitely afford a better apartment than THIS one.
All that being said, I know that God moved us here for a reason. He has taught us so many wonderful lessons, like how to trust Him when things get tight financially, and how to be more frugal. Brian and I have gotten a LOT closer because we're all we have. Yes, Brian and my children are my home and I wouldn't want to live anywhere without them, but my heart still aches to be in Texas. So, right now, I'm praying that God will open up an AWESOME job opportunity for Brian in the DFW area, preferably in the Mid-cities, and that we can go home...if that is not God's will, I'm praying that he changes my heart so it doesn't get crushed.
All that being said, I know that God moved us here for a reason. He has taught us so many wonderful lessons, like how to trust Him when things get tight financially, and how to be more frugal. Brian and I have gotten a LOT closer because we're all we have. Yes, Brian and my children are my home and I wouldn't want to live anywhere without them, but my heart still aches to be in Texas. So, right now, I'm praying that God will open up an AWESOME job opportunity for Brian in the DFW area, preferably in the Mid-cities, and that we can go home...if that is not God's will, I'm praying that he changes my heart so it doesn't get crushed.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
My All-Time Favorite Emma Quotes
1. Brian was trying on his Ph.D. regalia, and anyone who has seen it knows it looks a little crazy. Emma goes up and says, "You're a tent. I be a tent, too?"
2. Brian was walking with her around Walmart, and Emma started sniffing the air like she smelled something. Brian looked at her, she looks at him and says "I smell balls"...horrified, he looked around to see if anyone had heard what she said, and in doing so, noticed one of those big racks of cheap latex balls with that nasty acrylic smell that everyone remembers from childhood. So, she really did smell balls. Go figure...
3. When we brought Charlotte home from the hospital, I was nursing in the living room. Emma came over and asked "What are you doing, Mommy?" I told her that I was feeding Charlotte, and without missing a beat and with a HORRIFIED look on her face, she exclaimed, "Charlotte eats BOOB?!"
4. Once Emma got used to the idea of how Mommy feeds Charlotte, she decided she wanted to be able to help. One day as I nursed the baby, Em came over, pulled up her shirt, grabbed her chest and said "I need to feed Charlotte from my boob."
5. Emma was feeling a little gassy before bed one night, so I told her to lay on her tummy and it would feel better. Brian used to get the girls ready in the morning because I had to get to work early, and when she got up the next morning, she looked at him and said "My big girl bed helped the fart out, Daddy."
6. This morning, she went up to Daddy and said "My diaper's wet. It's like a swing at the park!", then proceeded to move her hips to make the diaper swing between her legs. Where does she come up with this stuff?!
7. I painted Em's nails and we were driving in the car when she says "I want to suck on my fingers, but you painted my nails. I GUESS I won't suck my fingers... ahhh", like she was being some sort of martyr.
8. She pulled a pair of my shoes out of my closet, put them on, and then proceeds to tell me "Mommy, your shoes are so STYLISH!!"
9. We were watching Star Wars IV on tv and it was the dramatic part where Darth Vader fights Obi Wan Kenobi. Her comment? "Oh No! We need to help the robot get the crazy man! They're playing with their wands!"
10. We were renting a movie from the RedBox at the grocery store, and there was a lottery machine that Em was pushing the buttons on right next to it. When the movie came out, Em grabbed it and said "I won, I won!!"
11. This morning, I'm laying on the couch, and Em runs over, gets in my face and says "I'm hungry!". So, I ask her what she wants to eat for breakfast. Without skipping a beat, she throws her hand over her nose and yells "EWW, Mommy! Your breath is STINKY!"
12. "Charlotte! No, baby..." She wants to be a little mommy so bad!
13. Conversation while I changed Drew's diaper: "Mommy, what's coming out of Drew's bum?" "Well, Honey, he just pooped." "No, THAT!" "Oh, well, those are his boy parts." Confused look and long stare. "Okay..."
14. I gave her a sip of Brian's diet coke while we were at the mall and she thought we called it "Diarrhea coke"...as we're walking, she yells at the top of her lungs "I want more diarrhea coke!". Seriously, people must have been wondering what kind of parents we are!
2. Brian was walking with her around Walmart, and Emma started sniffing the air like she smelled something. Brian looked at her, she looks at him and says "I smell balls"...horrified, he looked around to see if anyone had heard what she said, and in doing so, noticed one of those big racks of cheap latex balls with that nasty acrylic smell that everyone remembers from childhood. So, she really did smell balls. Go figure...
3. When we brought Charlotte home from the hospital, I was nursing in the living room. Emma came over and asked "What are you doing, Mommy?" I told her that I was feeding Charlotte, and without missing a beat and with a HORRIFIED look on her face, she exclaimed, "Charlotte eats BOOB?!"
4. Once Emma got used to the idea of how Mommy feeds Charlotte, she decided she wanted to be able to help. One day as I nursed the baby, Em came over, pulled up her shirt, grabbed her chest and said "I need to feed Charlotte from my boob."
5. Emma was feeling a little gassy before bed one night, so I told her to lay on her tummy and it would feel better. Brian used to get the girls ready in the morning because I had to get to work early, and when she got up the next morning, she looked at him and said "My big girl bed helped the fart out, Daddy."
6. This morning, she went up to Daddy and said "My diaper's wet. It's like a swing at the park!", then proceeded to move her hips to make the diaper swing between her legs. Where does she come up with this stuff?!
7. I painted Em's nails and we were driving in the car when she says "I want to suck on my fingers, but you painted my nails. I GUESS I won't suck my fingers... ahhh", like she was being some sort of martyr.
8. She pulled a pair of my shoes out of my closet, put them on, and then proceeds to tell me "Mommy, your shoes are so STYLISH!!"
9. We were watching Star Wars IV on tv and it was the dramatic part where Darth Vader fights Obi Wan Kenobi. Her comment? "Oh No! We need to help the robot get the crazy man! They're playing with their wands!"
10. We were renting a movie from the RedBox at the grocery store, and there was a lottery machine that Em was pushing the buttons on right next to it. When the movie came out, Em grabbed it and said "I won, I won!!"
11. This morning, I'm laying on the couch, and Em runs over, gets in my face and says "I'm hungry!". So, I ask her what she wants to eat for breakfast. Without skipping a beat, she throws her hand over her nose and yells "EWW, Mommy! Your breath is STINKY!"
12. "Charlotte! No, baby..." She wants to be a little mommy so bad!
13. Conversation while I changed Drew's diaper: "Mommy, what's coming out of Drew's bum?" "Well, Honey, he just pooped." "No, THAT!" "Oh, well, those are his boy parts." Confused look and long stare. "Okay..."
14. I gave her a sip of Brian's diet coke while we were at the mall and she thought we called it "Diarrhea coke"...as we're walking, she yells at the top of her lungs "I want more diarrhea coke!". Seriously, people must have been wondering what kind of parents we are!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)