Saturday, September 10, 2011

The Green Monster

A lot has changed in the past year. We're finally out of Virginia and back in Texas near family again. Virginia was nice, but it was never "home"...

We've been busy unpacking our stuff and trying to make our rental house feel like a home. My in-laws have been kind enough to let us crash at their place while the dust settles. But as I sit reading Facebook, surrounded by my heathen children screaming all around me, I'm struck by an emotion I did not expect - ENVY.

Don't get me wrong - I feel very blessed by all that the Lord has done for me. But sometimes, I read the blogs and status updates or look at pictures of other young moms and I get angry and jealous. I feel like these women have it all together. Half of them don't even look like they've ever even been pregnant, even in a bikini. They do everything right - they're ecologically conscious and use cloth diapers, they nurse for at least a year, they homeschool, what-have-you. And here I am - a hot freaking mess who can't even find the energy to shower everyday. My hair is always up in a bun, I wear t-shirts and ratty old jeans, and I have to freaking tuck my saggy belly into my pants every morning. It's disgusting. Nursing made me want to beat my head against the wall, something I still feel guilty about, and cloth diapers?? Yeah - that experiment lasted all of a day. I can't stand the thought of trying to teach my children anything for longer than 5 minutes because I know I'd end up bald from ripping my hair out in frustration. And NOW, I'm in the land of store-bought beauty, where women go to pick up their kids at school in skirts and heels - and not business skirts and heels, like "I just left work to come get you," but casual "Oh, I look this put together all the time! Why don't you??" Ugh. I could go on and on with this pity party.

But really, how dumb is it to feel angry with other people because God has blessed them?? That's actually the most absurd thing I've ever heard. But I want what they have, I want to be "perfect" like them and that's where the sin lies. They're not perfect, that's just my perception of things. If I were privy to their everyday lives, I'd see that they're probably just as big of a hot mess as I am (they're just better actresses than me :P) God created me to be me - not every other woman on the block. I don't have to be like everyone else, I just have to do the job that God has called me to - as imperfectly as that may be.


  1. Sweet Laura... No one has it all together despite what they look like. It's a front, I guarantee it. We all have good times and bad times, we all have complete meltdowns and those moments that are beyond amazing. I envy your gorgeous face, your ability to create such neat things and your beautiful voice. So there! Lol. I do the same thing, though. I read blogs, see fb statuses and I get alllll kinds of jealous and mad at myself for not being that awesome. But you know what? I am that awesome. And YOU ARE THAT AWESOME! Don't even let anyone tell you you're not. And don't you ever dare let yourself tell you that you're not. 'Cause that is a lie from the devil. God might have created me without the ability to be crafty or sing, and I absolutely hate and am terrible at cooking and cleaning (two of my MAIN jobs as housewife), but He created me ME. And while it's not often easy to say, I'm happy with ME. Love ya, girl. And so glad to have you back in the area!!!

  2. Dude, you have to know how much I look up to you. Ever since I used to listen to you DJ on PowerFM, I used to think "This is seriously one of the coolest people ever!", and then when I met you in person, I was seriously tongue-tied and pretty much starstruck :D And what you are able to do and accomplish with your little ones - it amazes me. They are the most adorable little boys :D I'm glad to be back in the area, too - we'll have to set up a playdate or something once we get all unpacked :P Love ya, too!!!

  3. Just because one wears heels, doesn't mean they have it together. Women dress like that, or do the things you mentioned, because thats their coping mechanism. Their respite. Seek solice in your respite- you're very talented with crafts, sewing, and baking. I know there are a lot of women who manage to look gorgeous every day and can't manage much else. Looking like that takes time- time you don't have because you choose to use your time in a more constructiveanner. Bravo, lady. Bravo. And just remember who matters here- you, your children, and your wonderful husband. And I bet he thinks you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. I used to feel how you feel. But then I remembered that I look like... Well... This... Most days, because I mow our lawn, take care of the house, cook a lot, and more. A husband and children will be much happier with that than someone who is in the bathroom for an hour every morning getting ready. Chin up. You're amazing and don't ever think you're not.