The Best OB and Postpartum Advice I Ever Received

WARNING - TMI alert!! This should be read only by women who are pregnant or just had a baby, women who would like one day to become pregnant, or people who just like to be grossed out by way too much information. For the third group - Eww...don't tell me who you are.

Being pregnant can be really cool. Being pregnant can also really suck. Morning sickness, stretch marks, constipation are just some of the symptoms that can plague you, not to mention later in the pregnancy when the kid gets so big you feel like he's using your bladder as a punching bag and your ribs as practice soccer balls. My personal favorite (note my sarcasm) was when I'd be laying on my side in bed, and I could feel a little hand slide along the bed, basically pinching my skin and muscle in between fist and mattress. But all this craziness aside, it truly is worth it when you hold that little one in your arms for the first time. Along the journey, you will pick up some great advice and some really crappy advice, and you have to sift through it all to see what works best for you. Here is a list of my all-time favorite advice that REALLY helped me through some tough situations. I hope something in here can help you as well:

**You will look 6 months pregnant when you leave the hospital AFTER giving birth. That is OKAY. It goes down considerably over the course of the next few months. But be prepared to wear those maternity pants just a little bit longer. And be prepared for people to ask you when your baby's due - try not to punch them in the face.

**Pain medication during labor and after childbirth can cause constipation. Make sure you do something about it so you don't get hemorrhoids or (gasp!) a fissure. Some great tips for doing this: Miralax works wonders. So does the "OB cocktail" - equal parts of orange juice, apple juice, and prune juice that can be drunk either warmed up or cold. It basically looks like poo in a glass, but it doesn't taste bad at all and it works really well. Also, if needed, stool softeners are very helpful.

**If you happen to get a fissure (which can be caused by actual labor or from constipation afterwards), the doctors will try to tell you that you have to use this nitroglycerin gel that can cause headaches, or numbing cream, or worst case scenario - surgery. TRY THIS FIRST!! I was nursing, so they wouldn't give me the nitro gel and the numbing cream didn't work. Their theory is that the reason it doesn't heal is because you can't relax. I think that's crap (no pun intended, and of course I'm not a medical doctor, so take this with a grain of salt) It's basically just a tear in the skin that if your stool remains too hard or large will rip open again every time you use the bathroom (think of a bad paper cut that just keeps getting irritated). I found an awesome natural wheatgrass cream that helped me heal literally within about 2 weeks. I suffered for about 8 months prior to that. Here's the key. Keep everything moving, if you know what I mean, drink your water (green tea helped, too, for some reason), keep really clean when you go to the bathroom with flushable wipes, and use the Wheatgrass cream after every time you go. (http://www.grassfactor.com)

**There is no shame in Postpartum Depression, nor is there any shame in taking antidepressants. Consider it like a supplement instead of medicine. For a period of time, your body is missing this certain chemical, and you are helping fill in the blanks.

**Take care of yourself. If you aren't well, you'll have nothing to give to your children or husband.

**You will completely lose all modesty for a brief period of time. Everyone will be staring at/touching you in places you'd normally be horrified to have anyone see/touch. You're super modest normally (like me), so you think it won't happen, or that you'll be embarrassed when it does. Probably not - you'll be so busy pushing out a kid or recovering from said pushing that you most likely won't even care. It's crazy but true.

**Sleep when your kids sleep - if you can. This is not always an option when you have older children, but if by some fortuitous happenstance they all fall asleep at the same time, lay down as well. Even if you can't sleep, rest is better than nothing.

**You have to find your "new normal" after each and every child. Things will change, and you will have to change with it, but if you can survive the first two weeks, things usually get a lot better after that...and even if they don't, you learn to adjust and deal with it better.

**Formula-fed babies are not going to shrivel up or have horrible things happen to them just because they are not breast-fed. Some people will try to make you feel horrible for not breastfeeding, but sometimes, it's just not that simple. I had to work with my first two and lost my milk supply, and then it just became too tough. And frankly, after 10 months of pregnancy, I just wanted my body back. Sorry - that does not make me a horrible person OR a horrible mother. It's better to be a happy bottle-feeding mommy than a depressed, grouchy, angry breastfeeding mommy (as I turned into). My children were breastfed for at least the first 6 weeks, but not exclusively, and by at least 12 weeks, I had switched them over to formula. It's what worked for our family. Breastfeeding may be better for your family. Whatever the situation, don't let anyone tell you you're a horrible mother or make you feel bad for it or that you HAVE to do it a certain way.

**Coffee and under-eye concealer are a new mom's best friend (Thanks, Andi!) I've found that yellow under-eye concealer works well to cover really stubborn dark circles, then you cover with your normal concealer, just so you don't look like some kind of strange jaundiced raccoon.

**You go 10 months without getting a period (AWESOME!), but beware - you're body's just storing it up and it all catches up to you in the 6 weeks after you have your baby. Yikes...a 6-week long period. It sucks.

**Laugh - so you won't cry ;D